it's like the 3rd week into school and i still don't have my english textbook. jinkies man...and like ms selvi assigned us some shit that has to do with the textbook...and like if i dont pass it up tomorrow she's gonna minus like 30 pts from my group...and i dont want that. in the end all u get is some apollo biscuit. no big deal. but i dont wanna make diny angry haha. life saver che hui was online! i was like yessah. so im getting him to like scan all the pages of the textbook..then i'll do eng homework from there. and like i didnt know this new math teacher assigned us work...che hui told me about it...shiat. mr zaf is gone for like 2 weeeeeeeks. wtp...i miss mr zaf. i can pay more attention to his teaching..i dont understand this teacher's one lah. and like wed i have ncc...super shitty news la. need to bring pt kit. theres physical training and soccer training. who can play footy after PT? like seriously when sir tan hammered the whole unit we were dead after the pt session! i was like...imma bring my goalie gloves. on 2nd thought i don't think i wanna play. if i do i wont be a goalie. unless no one wants to do it then fine i'll do it. if not i'll play a position im comfortable with...right back :p and like tomorrow there's PE...the heck. they are gonna take our weight! i took it at this retarded weighing scale outside the office in sch...im frickin 82kg wtp....i was 79 a month ago! i was supposed to go the gym but i got home super late. irritating. in all,God will guide me through this week. i am halfway through the first day of the week and i have loads to finish tonight. but once again the Lord is my refuge and my strength! (Psalm 46)

alright,i have to transfer the ELC photos and finish up my homework...finish dinner too.

seeya!

I had my face shoved in the word death yesterday. It was a point where God showed how powerful He is. He can stop anything. And He can start it,again and again and again. I'm returning to camp soon,I think. I'll be staying for that last night...if not my parents will make noise. :/

Besides that,I've been really kept busy...I'm on the verge of "falling into the sea."

Why...

Vday Preparations!

And Isabel's coming to Mt Carmel this sunday! (Don't worry bel,you're not a burden haha.) It's my duty to jaga you so I must plan! Don't worry,I doubt we'll follow our plan anyway. HAHAHA

And I have something for you,Jaz!

I hope UWC has been great for you! I asked you how it was yesterday...you said good good good...Don't lie if it isn't! If not what am I here for? I'm not saying I don't trust you...but don't be afraid to see UWC isn't as coooool as OFS! Haha I once did that in NCC...and I didn't get punished. Awesome shit. I hope UWC has been great for you,and I think Jeremy really,really likes you. If you're not into a relationship now,try "dating." Or in a way,just heading out together,watch some movies. Shop together? It'll be great! Since you two are a fun bunch. And yeah I just wanna see you happy. That's all I want. I don't want anymore more than that...(I wish I did.) But I'm just not there yet. And I don't plan to be there. So...enjoy UWC! It's a hardcore school! I think...Don't get into volleyball. Go join Mediacomm or something. HAHAHA MY CCA XD

Kayyyyyyyy.

Now that I have to really shower,pack up and head back to camp...I have to start doing other shit. You know my dad told the maid to wake me up at 845...and the maid told me that my dad would pick me up. I don't believe my dad would come all the way from Orchard down to Woodlands just to bring me to school. Thats a fat lie. Nice try. I seriously cannot believe my dad wants me to go back to camp! I mean,I do want to go for camp...but...I don't want to stay overnight! Halfway through the camp and I was dreaming about home and my sexy bed! It's so true,our beds feel more comfortable during school days. Hahahaha. Fatigue levels I guess. To be honest,I never wanted to come for this camp. I felt super pissed that we were given SUNDAY to rest only before heading back to school on monday. And WTP lah,we have to wake up at 4am on Saturday! Lack of sleep ftw...but the teachers get less...so we should shut up and not complain. Hahaha. Then I realised that I would be REALLY tired...and so JC passed me this verse from the book of Psalm! Psalm 46! I read everything. I like verse 1 the most. "God is our refuge and strength,an ever present help in trouble." It's so true! God has helped me so much in 09/10. The Lord has also helped me in realising what I should really be focusing on. Girls,Soccer...or God? And I really learnt that no matter what God should always be no.1 on your list! Even if you play in the EPL(Egyptian Premier League XD) it doesn't mean you put it infront of God! Which is like soooo cool!

Anyway,

Isabel's coming to Mt Carmel this sunday! Like uber cool lor! I told tess and kim already I think. So they'll talk to her and stuff. Hahaha. Awesome shiat.

Alright,I think I'll go play some FO2,read up on other blogs...check out FB profiles and pack...before I return to the hell hole. Tbh we are treated in camp like how NCC treats us...gotta move fast and all...but your punishment is worse. I'd rather do push ups then get yelled at! Basket.

A blog is a free and public domain,where one can express how he feels...and there is not right or wrong to that.

So now,what is your problem?

I scream,I shout...I cry. But I just won't get your full attention.

"IF YOU'RE EVERYTHING YOU SAY YOU ARE,COME CLOSE AND HOLD MY HEART."
All I want is the Lord to see my broken heart.
I cannot go on like this anymore.


Loving God,
I have laid down everything for you...
I have decided to let go of whatever I'm holding on to...and that special something.
And Lord,I know you've seen my breaking heart. You've seen it shatter into pieces.
And now I just pray that you heal me. At this point of time I feel so empty but I know your love does not run dry. Father I know you are there to support me. Your yoke is easy and your burden is light. It seems to me that You are fixing my heart back...bit by bit. But everytime I encounter something it just breaks everything apart again. I'm finding it so hard to hang on. Lord,at times I hear You say don't fight these hands that are holding you. And I'm not...but I feel that one day something that's bigger may make me lose my grip on You.
I choose not to think this way and look at things in a positive light. Father I'm forever going to depend on you,to lean on Your strength and I KNOW YOU WILL LIFT ME UP BECAUSE I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU. I KNOW I'M WEAK. I KNOW I'M UNWORTHY. But I needYou at this time and I know You are there by my side. At this point of time all I want is You,Lord. I don't want anymore heartaches. I don't want to be upset,disappointed or angry anymore. I don't wanna shed a tear anymore. Each time I think about her I just feel like breaking down. Because I do not know where to move on from here. I will learn to lean on Your strength. You are the only One that can pick me up and make move.

Amen.

I wish I never did assume.

I only found the courage today.

But it's too late...

What do I do now?

I'm reachin' out for you one last time.

And I'll keep my hand out for you for a long time.

If you don't wanna grab it...then I don't know.

I can tell you I'm weak. Yeah I am. But I'm putting it all for you. I'll carry you home. Till the very end.

Promise!

(:

Guess you'll be reading this...maybe not.

You know something? I miss you now. I'm sure you're enjoyin' life in Jakarta now. Hehe continue doing so. Well I miss you. I don't miss you because you're gonna be gone for a week. But because you left the country. It's the fact that you left the country for awhile...not for how long you'll be gone for. Yeah I miss you. I really do. BUT everyone needs a break from all their usual things! Hehe. Enjoy the rest of your trip alright? Take care of yourself. :)

AND WHOEVER THAT IMPOSTER IS...GET OFF MY BLOG MATE. IF YOU'RE UNHAPPY THAT I'M FRIENDS WITH HER THEN THATS YOUR PROBLEM. >:( Annoying nimcompoop. Screw that.