hahaha what a nice lie. ok best not to assume.

how can you say i blocked you when i didn't? I checked everything. I even searched your name over and over again on the search bar. Nothing. So I decided to do the extreme. I created another account and searched your name. PERFECT. I found you. So who blocked who???

May has been shit. June too. Sigh.

i need someone to love.

the world's just crumbling all on me. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK this. I do not know how many fucks it will take for me to vent all my anger out. Fuck. Seriously. FUCK ME AND FUCK THIS AND THAT AND YOU. Fuck all of this.

What am I living for?

I lost Jaz. Game on.

My exam results are like bullshit. Game on.

I can't play Rugby. Game on.

I just screw myself,every single day.

Fuck.

This.

no one reads my blog already i guess. it's okay. i'll just use this to let my thoughts out. official rugby training has started and i've been told to either play flanker or forward. i mean like wth prop forward supposed to be real big and bulky like bennett. physcically intimidating...i'm 167cm but im a monstrous 78kg. Duno if that's good. Also told to get grip mitts and a scrum cap...whatever for? lol i think boots can wait. gonna get ma grip mitts and scrum cap tmr though =D life's real sucky and i miss jaz but yeah i gotta let go and i'm forgetting everything slowly...cant wait for church camp!!!!

go for rugby training

kill myself

body aches so fucking badly

sleep

wake up in the morning

fuckin knee hurts like shit.

i give it a kick. gets worse.

pain stays for damn long.

Do it,all over again.

Let me make that even better,for you.

I see you.

Try to talk.

Doesn't work.

Re-think my strategy.

Wait,do I even have a chance at talking to you?

No,I don't.

But I don't realise it.

Do it,all over again.

i like you.

i love you.

but it may never,ever come true.

let's go.

on a new journey.

far beyond what we can imagine.

i realised there's this love...for me that's way stronger than just my love for jaz. God's love is far greater than this little earthly love we have.

how great,is our God?

i'm more than upset.

gotta hold it in,it's friday tomorrow.

stop telling me i'm a being a 2 faced Christian when you are one yourself. I don't treat people at home any different from how I treat my church mates. I get defensive at home because YOU are the one jumping to conclusions. I won't ever share the things in my head with my family ever again. Because you just out to JUDGE me. I know when I have to look through myself,if I've ever gone wrong. But you guys are just out to bring me down. Is that what parents are for?

make this a quick post. i vomitted 3 times after PT today for some reason. possibly dehydration,according to Gurpreet. Been feeling like puking. Not very strong though. I'll be better tomorrow. School was fine. Have NCC tomorrow though. Long day. Msn's screwed. I think something happened since the same problem exists with everyone I know who has Msn Messenger. At least it's not as bad as Starhub's cables which kept getting affected by the numerous earthquakes. Don't know from where though. Well I'm almost going to bed,which means I can survive without MSN!!! Well done andre.

I have a piece of good news! More of an update though.

I wanted a transfer,yes?

Clarice was really nice and she went to ask some lady boss from her school about N/A students being able to apply for ACS International! Well the lady said she'll consider...Gotta send in my PSLE cert first. I'll scan it tomorrow night when I come back from NCC. No time tonight. :) Yay ftw. Thank God! I just really hope that I can get in...It'll be rugby,and being out of sembawang will be good and bad. I'll miss all my school mates but HELL YEAH no more pai kia!

That's about it for today.

Can't wait for NCC tomorrow. Friggin freak the nuts out of that dude who yelled at me. Dustbin baby.

I need you Jesus

Come to my rescue

Where else can I go?

I'm getting sick of Sembawang. Not because of what I'm doing but because of my environment. I dislike it. Ok I must make it sound bad. I HATE IT. I wanna go to St Andrew's but location is a problem and well I don't know if I can score well. But I'm gonna commit myself to my studies and do well for my Mid Years and EOYs!!!!!! :)

i dont think my blog needs a tagboard. MY BLOG IS A FREE DOMAIN. NO RIGHT,NO WRONG. SO WHATEVER PROBLEMS YOU HAVE JUST DON'T READ.

I have a stalker. And he's a guy. This is great!!!!

And he told me some weird stuff about me and jaz. Lol.

Dude don't say I'm fat. I know I am,but look at yourself first. Are you any better? Bet I could knock you out in seconds. BUT of course I'm not here to fight. I wanted to be friends...but you had to make those silly comments. That's not very wise,my friend.

I built something with her for so long,so well.

But in the end it was me who brought it down.

I wanna make it up to you Jaz.

But I can't...If I could I wouldn't know how...but all I can do is do these little small things that can rebuild this. I know you have lost your trust in me. And I agree it's not easy to regain it. But I'll try. I'll try...harder.

Sometimes I feel my blog's dead. Like no one reads it. But at least it's somewhere I can let everything out. I feel like tearing down my tagboard because I only get faggots who come on and disagree with whatever I say,even if it's good. I mean like really...a blog is a free domain,there isn't any right or wrong. You're being an ass,man. I know who you are. :)

Seeya around.

I know what I said,

but I didn't mean to hurt you so bad.

I know you're not shouting anymore,

You're broken inside and I know.

It's all of me that just hurt you so bad.

I can't live this life,

without you by my side.

Can you forgive me again?

I'm just screaming inside that I'm sorry.

only God knows whats wrong.

LIKE FINALLY.

My dad said that we're gonna go get my phone this weekend.

Like seriously.

I'm just gonna pick one where I can store songs since I have yet to get my ipod.

I need a pair of sneakers. I'm tired of my hardy onitsuka tigers.

I think New Look has some cheap ones...mehhhhhh wait for my allowance first. XD

I should revert myself to my everyday soccer thingy.

I used to be at the street soccer court everyday at 2+pm...right after school.

I remembered having so much fun with 1-2 soccer balls. Just me and the 2 balls. I'd practise free kicks because when I was primary 5 I could never notch a high ball. I continued practising. I watched videos of Roberto Carlos,Cristiano Ronaldo,David Beckham and some caucasian player from a Japanese League team. I learnt from them. I mastered free kicks quickly. Soon I start curling balls and that was my pride. I could proudly say that I can curl balls around the keeper who couldnt dive. (Nikesh) I used to be a bulky forward in primary school. I had this super skinny P6 indian classmate who was fierce and sort of a gangster but he still played with me. He would notch balls to me and I'd finish it off or I'd pass him a few and he'll do the job. I remember one shot where I notched it in and all I could do was continue running and jump,punching my fist in the air. I shook hands with my classmate and it was a great time. I lost contact with him after he left school.

I hardly play soccer now and I tried kicking the ball around a few weeks ago. I am rotten. I suck at rugby too. I keep punting. I don't know what is the problem with my rugby. Stupid. I can try to train 3 times a week. One day I can go run. And do some basic PT techniques. Another day go to the field,kick the ball around...master it at least once and kick the ball around before I put on my running shoes and go do PT and just run. On the 3rd day I can do agility workouts before I do my PT and run again. Such a simple 3 day thing. Yet it is so difficult to slot it into my hectic schedule. I have emcee-ing to do (despite being a reserve) and life is tough. But I love it.

The only thing about life I dislike is when it comes to love. I dislike maths just as much. (sorry aunty lorna.)

school was fine.

gotta collect my blazer tomorrow and go buy my pants. sigh. i need black shoes too. i guess i can use my dad's. ahahaha. i hope i don't have to wear a tie. extremely uncomfortable especially when my shirt's tight. rugby uniform ftw. i'll need to buy em next year anyway. Being an emcee is fun. Being an emcee for a major/formal event is not fun. Pressure's all on you. Sucks. But I'll thrive under it through God's grace and mercy. :)

Thanks dom for that fantastic book! A great birthday gift! I needed a book and it really touches something in my spiritual life that I haven't really went on in awhile. So it's good to have a book. Tomorrow I have training. Most likely fitness. I don't have a kicking tee so I can forget about practicing my conversions. My drop kicks aren't fantastic too. I can leave that for another day. Gain fitness first. I have to finish up my 300 word composition during english class tomorrow. Should be easy nuts. I'm halfway through. Should be another 150 to kill the whole thing.

TRAIN HARD TOMORROW PLEASE ANDRE PLEASE

i know i may lose out to someone who has a nice body,is from barker and excels in his cca. I have no idea on how to compete with those boys but all i know is i have something that is more worth than what i have now. I have God. And that's all I want and need.

What if i never excelled in my cca?

What if i was never in a top school?

What if I ONLY had GOD? And my strong Faith?

Would YOU still choose ME?