why do i only realise it now?

I lost Jaz and no it's not something good.

Maybe I'm a little less stressed out,but that hole in my heart is starting to appear again...and i wonder since she's the one that deleted me now...over msn..i wonder how big that hole's gonna get.

shall i return to my old emo state? i already am in it.

damn i miss you.

but i know i ain't gonna getcha back because of what i did.

i took many wrong steps,none gave me such a drastic result. but this time my wrong step...which i thought was a right one,brought me hell.

I realised I stopped praying for Jaz ever since I decided to talk to her about something. Never did.

I stopped praying...that's bullshit. Even if she's never here,even if she has a new boyfriend,new husband,kids...I'm still gonna pray. No,no one knows whether it's true or not. It's all done behind the closed door...but I don't need people to openly know DAMN I PRAY FOR HER EVERYDAY! I think that's close to subliminal messaging...but! Still...I still love Jaz and I'll do whatever I can to bring Christ to her. Or her to Christ. Right now she hates me to the core and I've lost everything...but I can pray. And one day she'll get to know the Lord.

God bless!

life can be sucky at times.

but i guess this is why life is so,so interesting.

it's so easy to hurt someone...and so easy to hurt yourself too.

i've learnt that. pretty much shitty. but oh well!

I bought Fernando Torres' Biography! But before I start I shall finish my current book! Like 10 pages left. Lol. I hope I can finish it by tomorrow. Borders ownz la. I used to like Kinokuniya. But Borders ownz,seriously!

Got Gurpreet her birthday present. I was like 50% serious about spending $75 on her la. But...where will the money come from? :/

So I decided to get her a small gift...from Borders! She'll like it. Not a book though. Haha...something useful.

It's less than 5 days without her and I feel so guilty for what I did...but at the same time maybe she really needs to feel the pain I did.

God bless!

you're pissed.

that's good. maybe that's when you'll start sparing a thought for me. thinking how you'd feel if you were in my shoes. you're gone now. but you can still think.

i just wonder,

how much did i mean to you?

nothing,i guess.

i'm tired.

every time...for this whole week,whenever i get home. i have my lunch. stare at my computer. and fall asleep on my bed till like 4? I can crawl back to my chair and stone there for like 10 seconds before my eyes kill me and i land back on my bed. i did it again today. 5 times,in a row. this week. awesome. and i saw my dad sleeping on the sofa while watching tv. it's not because he is some couch potato...but because he's tired. everyone is. that sucks. tomorrow's gonna be a long day. have alot to carry. wonder how am i going to get through this...gotta pack pack pack. im taking the risk and assuming the SP's Guild House toilets have shower heads. And I can like shower there...if not I'll stink. Who wants to be stuck in their uniform for like soooo many hours? Gotta pack,pack,pack. I think on sunday I'll bring my math textbook to church...then like after service I'll grab lunch...chill for awhile before I revise on Statistics. I have a test on monday! And I realised I can pay more attention to Mr Zaf than Ms Sri. Don't know what's up...but yeah. Alright,guess that's about it.

God bless!

she hasn't noticed anything,i guess.

instead of doing it all at one go,i'm doing it bit by bit.

it's killing me inside slowly cos i know soon she's not gonna be with me.

soon i'm gonna lose her and one day she's gonna be with some other man.

but it doesn't matter. i'll hold up with the pain.

do you know when's the best time to feel pain...in the heart?

During your birthday or your other half's birthday.

During our birthdays we just open up...hearts are open,ears,eyes are open!

And in a way we just feel so happy...anything can happen.

And only people REALLY think on your birthday...because they know its something important.

If you disagree,okay.

That's perfectly alright.

One day,I know when I'm older I'm gonna think about now,about the amusing things I did for a girl. Just a girl. Serious!

I did the weirdest things ever...from my first ever stop motion video and getting about 30+ people I never really knew to hold up cards for me! Awesome.

But when you lose it all...especially the girl,it doesn't matter.

Yes,your heart hurts.

But at least you've done your part,to make an impact in the girl's heart.

If you failed to do so,it's alright.

Just try,and try again.

But what happens when you tire out? What happens when you're just burnt out?

Then it's time to stop,leave...and rest.

I'm stopping,leaving.

And I'll rest. For a long time.

I'm doing it my way...not the usual one. And I hope it works. It will. Very sure.

You know,a teardrop...is insignificant when in a swimming pool...but it can touch a soul when it runs down someone's face.

definition of a loser.

WOULD YOU LOVE ME MORE IF I DEDICATED MORE OF MY HEART TO YOU?

WOULD YOU LOVE ME MORE IF I PUT ALL MY OF MY HEART IN?

WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I SAID : "LET ME BE YOUR MAN."

WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I EVER CAME BACK TO YOU,EMPTY HANDED,YET I OPEN MY HEART TO YOU.

I am keeping still,and silent as possible with regards to my love life.

Sharing...is not working anymore.

It just keeps getting worse. Don't like it one bit.

I got shortlisted to do emcee-ing for my school's achievement day.

Battling it out with 2 other guys I think. Had to read a passage yesterday to the teacher. I think I got pwned. Nevermind.

I wanna be anti social and not talk to anyone...anymore.

Seriously.