i know i may lose out to someone who has a nice body,is from barker and excels in his cca. I have no idea on how to compete with those boys but all i know is i have something that is more worth than what i have now. I have God. And that's all I want and need.

What if i never excelled in my cca?

What if i was never in a top school?

What if I ONLY had GOD? And my strong Faith?

Would YOU still choose ME?

to be honest,i remember telling someone the best birthday present of my 14th birthday...

would be to get jaz back. :(

AND GUESS WHAT.

I got her back.

BY MYSELF YAY (Obviously,there's no other way...lol!)

YAY WHAT A BIRTHDAY PRESENT SO HAPPY TO HAVE IT ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M RETURNING TO SCHOOL YAY IM SO HAPPY YAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anyway I'm busy on the 27th of march and 10th of april...sian...duno whats up with schools nowadays. They loooooooooooove carnivals! I'm neutral...haha I don't really go to carnivals. Neither am i keen on playing their games and making myself look like a fool. I will just go though..for the sake of my friends and looking at other people making a fool of themselves.

OKAY I need to go to canterbury after school to find my bloody shorts >:(

Because the nooby shorts my school sells got torn...i say torn means the guy tried tackling me and he touched my pants and instead of pulling me down he pulled it off!!! wth...so it's like...some towel now hahahaha. I will try to get my shorts later and I'll wait for my team to issue me my jersey top. Apparently they've come up with their own logo...lol! Send it to uncle tot for embroidery hahahahaha! And the number printing i think we can get it done for like $20-$30 at Chopra Sports...I did mine there before. Kinda slow but looking at the pile of jerseys they have...it's already quite fast...20-30 mins...so 1 dollar 1 min hahaha. Okay!!! I'm going back to school today!!!! So sexcited!! my eye is still red but i hope my school doesn't send me home!! (If they do my parents are gonna go kuku) OKAY I'M OFF TO READ NEWSPAPERS!!! I love them. I see interesting articles. I saw Calvin Klein's X Series underwear last week on Urban..this week got something nice...nice shoes and belts from a store at Orchard Cineleisure. As much as I wanna go down and get myself a nice pair of shoes,I have to save my $$$$$ for my rugby jersey. I don't think it'll come free although it's through a team..buying in bulk should make it cheaper though.

OKAY!!!!

IMMA GO READ NEWSPAPERS!!!

SEMPER FI

GOD BLESS!!!

ANDRE

WHO MAY BE SENT HOME FROM SCHOOL

life just cannot go on jaz.

shut up,ian. dont tell me to let go.

i know,everyone's been telling me.

"let go,let her go on with her life."

as much as i want to do that,i just have that feeling of guilt in my head.

i lost her. and it's my fault. if i didn't delete her off fb (i dont remember doing so but guess i did.)

what's done,is done.

all i want is just her to say,it's okay.

and i'll move on.

this is disgusting but i actually went to buy underwear for myself. instead of having my mom follow me i went to get it myself. partially because i know she won't buy me calvin klein briefs. haha. and so i went down to paragon...visited the calvin klein underwear store :$ I saw a few plain,nice ones...i wanted to get it until the lady was like..."ah the new X series out already." i was like..really?! where? happened to be infront of me...blind haha. the X series i saw on urban was the red one..this one blue. still the same. not the micro fibre ones though. according to the lady they'll be out in march. this is the last week of feb already!!!!! nevermind!!! tomorrow i'm getting my birthday present...an angpow! lol. i don't know how much is inside. and i hope when my dad gets it he doesn't go kuku and go bank it in! i can add it to my piggy bank $$ and buy a camera or leave it aside and get things i need/want! i dont know lah. i need PJs...just pants. i think i can get like a few from topman. $46. way cheaper than calvin klein's $69 ones. basket. but i need underwear!!! i tried on the x series at home! :$ its really comfy and its good enough for my sports. a nice substitute for my nike tights which are looking real bad. i shall see how much i get and plan from there. My new crumpler is really useful too,didn't know the complete seed was THAT big. it may not be the complete seed though. it doesn't look like the one they show on the crumpler website. nevermind. it's really big. a nice gym bag. wanna shop shop shopppppppp iiii neeeeed clothes! i shall go get some tees from Dsquared. The store looks damn nice. Anyway i think i'm recovering from my conjunctivitis already. stupid eye infection...kept me out of sch for like 6 days...im returning on friday though. sigh. 2 periods of math. -_______- dangit.

I've hardened myself,i've decided to just suck it up.

Yeah,I miss you jaz.

But nothing's gonna bring you back.

So imma stop crying like a girl and just suck it up.

I'm just gonna forget everything.

wazzap.

i miss you.

Ada shared this with me...just a few minutes ago.

and I feel way better...thanks ada. :)

this is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides


And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

I hope you know I try,

to become a better man.

I hope you know,

I never meant to hurt you.

Never meant to make you cry.

Hope you know I try,to become a better man.

But with you in my life,

I don't think I ever can.

It's so hard to keep goin' on without you,Jaz.

I've been hiding it in too much.

I can only hold it out till this point.

I want you back.

Please.

I don't know what to do to get you back.

I miss you.

i was on the edge of my seat la seriously.

i dont understand why sanderson didnt bring me on...i could have scored against a jc lor (eventually i did)

i went in in the 50th min..wtf 30 mins left to score a try or try a conversion??? wtp??

so hamtam here...and i managed to knock in a conversion and a try! yay 17-11 MUAHAHAHAH we still pwned the jc guys anyway.

Rugby ownz.

seeya!

i'm not gonna say something bad about jaz right now.

but she liked...to use vulgarities,i don't like that.

she didn't remember the things i wanted her to...the things that were important.

but...it's these little things,these little imperfections,that just make her so right.

it's what makes me love her,so,so much.

but what can i do now?

:)

it's the world i know.

some dude from my primary school spells RJA's "Your Guardian Angel" as "Your Garden Angel."

Lol.

when you said start again,

did you really mean it?

i'm half the person i used to be...

was it because i didn't love you enough?

i watched you break this heart of mine,again and again...

but...

i guess i'm not good enough for you.

just say it once,

and mean it.

dangit. I miss Jaz. alot. :/

remember how far we got? how high we soared?

but we never worked out.

i need you to know all this that's happening,doesn't matter...

cos when we take this road,someone's gotta go.

but you couldn't have loved me any better...(you never did actually. :/ )

And I know you'll find someone else

Who always doesn't make you cry.

But something kept my love light burning for you.

I loved you enough to let you go.

NCC G.O.H CONTINGENT 2010

Seeya there!

why do i only realise it now?

I lost Jaz and no it's not something good.

Maybe I'm a little less stressed out,but that hole in my heart is starting to appear again...and i wonder since she's the one that deleted me now...over msn..i wonder how big that hole's gonna get.

shall i return to my old emo state? i already am in it.

damn i miss you.

but i know i ain't gonna getcha back because of what i did.

i took many wrong steps,none gave me such a drastic result. but this time my wrong step...which i thought was a right one,brought me hell.

I realised I stopped praying for Jaz ever since I decided to talk to her about something. Never did.

I stopped praying...that's bullshit. Even if she's never here,even if she has a new boyfriend,new husband,kids...I'm still gonna pray. No,no one knows whether it's true or not. It's all done behind the closed door...but I don't need people to openly know DAMN I PRAY FOR HER EVERYDAY! I think that's close to subliminal messaging...but! Still...I still love Jaz and I'll do whatever I can to bring Christ to her. Or her to Christ. Right now she hates me to the core and I've lost everything...but I can pray. And one day she'll get to know the Lord.

God bless!

life can be sucky at times.

but i guess this is why life is so,so interesting.

it's so easy to hurt someone...and so easy to hurt yourself too.

i've learnt that. pretty much shitty. but oh well!

I bought Fernando Torres' Biography! But before I start I shall finish my current book! Like 10 pages left. Lol. I hope I can finish it by tomorrow. Borders ownz la. I used to like Kinokuniya. But Borders ownz,seriously!

Got Gurpreet her birthday present. I was like 50% serious about spending $75 on her la. But...where will the money come from? :/

So I decided to get her a small gift...from Borders! She'll like it. Not a book though. Haha...something useful.

It's less than 5 days without her and I feel so guilty for what I did...but at the same time maybe she really needs to feel the pain I did.

God bless!

you're pissed.

that's good. maybe that's when you'll start sparing a thought for me. thinking how you'd feel if you were in my shoes. you're gone now. but you can still think.

i just wonder,

how much did i mean to you?

nothing,i guess.

i'm tired.

every time...for this whole week,whenever i get home. i have my lunch. stare at my computer. and fall asleep on my bed till like 4? I can crawl back to my chair and stone there for like 10 seconds before my eyes kill me and i land back on my bed. i did it again today. 5 times,in a row. this week. awesome. and i saw my dad sleeping on the sofa while watching tv. it's not because he is some couch potato...but because he's tired. everyone is. that sucks. tomorrow's gonna be a long day. have alot to carry. wonder how am i going to get through this...gotta pack pack pack. im taking the risk and assuming the SP's Guild House toilets have shower heads. And I can like shower there...if not I'll stink. Who wants to be stuck in their uniform for like soooo many hours? Gotta pack,pack,pack. I think on sunday I'll bring my math textbook to church...then like after service I'll grab lunch...chill for awhile before I revise on Statistics. I have a test on monday! And I realised I can pay more attention to Mr Zaf than Ms Sri. Don't know what's up...but yeah. Alright,guess that's about it.

God bless!

she hasn't noticed anything,i guess.

instead of doing it all at one go,i'm doing it bit by bit.

it's killing me inside slowly cos i know soon she's not gonna be with me.

soon i'm gonna lose her and one day she's gonna be with some other man.

but it doesn't matter. i'll hold up with the pain.

do you know when's the best time to feel pain...in the heart?

During your birthday or your other half's birthday.

During our birthdays we just open up...hearts are open,ears,eyes are open!

And in a way we just feel so happy...anything can happen.

And only people REALLY think on your birthday...because they know its something important.

If you disagree,okay.

That's perfectly alright.

One day,I know when I'm older I'm gonna think about now,about the amusing things I did for a girl. Just a girl. Serious!

I did the weirdest things ever...from my first ever stop motion video and getting about 30+ people I never really knew to hold up cards for me! Awesome.

But when you lose it all...especially the girl,it doesn't matter.

Yes,your heart hurts.

But at least you've done your part,to make an impact in the girl's heart.

If you failed to do so,it's alright.

Just try,and try again.

But what happens when you tire out? What happens when you're just burnt out?

Then it's time to stop,leave...and rest.

I'm stopping,leaving.

And I'll rest. For a long time.

I'm doing it my way...not the usual one. And I hope it works. It will. Very sure.

You know,a teardrop...is insignificant when in a swimming pool...but it can touch a soul when it runs down someone's face.

definition of a loser.

WOULD YOU LOVE ME MORE IF I DEDICATED MORE OF MY HEART TO YOU?

WOULD YOU LOVE ME MORE IF I PUT ALL MY OF MY HEART IN?

WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I SAID : "LET ME BE YOUR MAN."

WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I EVER CAME BACK TO YOU,EMPTY HANDED,YET I OPEN MY HEART TO YOU.

I am keeping still,and silent as possible with regards to my love life.

Sharing...is not working anymore.

It just keeps getting worse. Don't like it one bit.

I got shortlisted to do emcee-ing for my school's achievement day.

Battling it out with 2 other guys I think. Had to read a passage yesterday to the teacher. I think I got pwned. Nevermind.

I wanna be anti social and not talk to anyone...anymore.

Seriously.