why do i only realise it now?

I lost Jaz and no it's not something good.

Maybe I'm a little less stressed out,but that hole in my heart is starting to appear again...and i wonder since she's the one that deleted me now...over msn..i wonder how big that hole's gonna get.

shall i return to my old emo state? i already am in it.

damn i miss you.

but i know i ain't gonna getcha back because of what i did.

i took many wrong steps,none gave me such a drastic result. but this time my wrong step...which i thought was a right one,brought me hell.

I realised I stopped praying for Jaz ever since I decided to talk to her about something. Never did.

I stopped praying...that's bullshit. Even if she's never here,even if she has a new boyfriend,new husband,kids...I'm still gonna pray. No,no one knows whether it's true or not. It's all done behind the closed door...but I don't need people to openly know DAMN I PRAY FOR HER EVERYDAY! I think that's close to subliminal messaging...but! Still...I still love Jaz and I'll do whatever I can to bring Christ to her. Or her to Christ. Right now she hates me to the core and I've lost everything...but I can pray. And one day she'll get to know the Lord.

God bless!